The training we went to was geared towards people who work for the state and who, essentially deal with batterers once they have been charged with Domestic Violence. The purpose of the BEP training was to educate these “professionals” (yes there is sarcasm intended in the quotes) about Domestic Violence and about the stories of victims, so that there can be a common understanding of what needs to be changed and how batterers need to be addressed. However, when you only hear one side of the story, it is very hard to open your mind to the other side. As a result, you can imagine that many of these people were unwilling to accept the victims story. On a more shocking note, some of these individuals were unwilling to acknowledge the fundamental problems of our society, which set all four of us of in a frenzy of disbelief, utter shock, followed by intense frustration.
The main thing to understand about victims of Domestic Violence (D.V.) is that it is more complex than it appears. D.V. is about control. There is nothing out of control or irrational about abuse. Batterers do not only have physical control but, emotional, financial and social control over their victim, isolating them from society, friends, family and even their children. You will often hear “why didn’t she just leave?” and the answer to that is never simple (you will find a more elaborate answer below). When you are overwhelmed by fear, when children, money or love is involved, leaving is nearly impossible. I have even heard some women say that they have never felt safer than in prison, because they are locked up and secured away from their abuser. I don’t know about you, but I find that statement to be depressing and extremely sad.
If you do not believe any of this, please read the information below and visit the recommended websites in order to understand. And to be honest you will have done more than some of the people at the training did. First of all, they barely listened to the first 3 hours of the presentation (which I find very disrespectful), where the presenter took time, patience and effort to convey the complicated system of control in Domestic Violence and what victims go through. Secondly, some were completely oblivious to the problems of gender and discrimination in our society. Upon talking about the level of homicides and battering rising, one women said “Why don’t women just stay at home and become house wives again. I mean look at the 1950 when it was expected that a women stay at home. Look how happy they were. We didn’t have any problems then.” (Oh my goodness).
Anyways, I could go on and on, but the point is that it was just infuriating and quite scary to listen to these people who are the ones dealing and releasing batterers. The purpose of justice and social work is to create a change in society to promote and provide a safe environment for everyone. How can this happen when people are uneducated and unaware about our societal concerns, are unwilling to be open and understanding about a complex problem and above all, are missing the point of why they are doing what they do?
Frankly, kudos to the presenter who lead the workshop for being so patient. I don’t know how she does it. I was wiggling in my seat, bighting my tong when my jaw wasn’t dropped in disbelief. In any case, enough ranting. But I do hope that anyone who is interested enough to read this post to the end, also look over the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website for more acurate facts and information in addition to what I have written below.
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of repeated behaviors. The assaults are repeated against the same victim by the same perpetrator. These assaults occur in different forms: physical, sexual, psychological. While physical assault may occur infrequently, other parts of the pattern may occur daily. Tactics interact with each other and have profound effects on the victims.
Why do Batterers Batter?
Domestic violence is purposeful behavior. The perpetrator's pattern of abusive acts is directed at achieving compliance from or control over the victim. It is directed at circumscribing the life of the victim so that independent thought and action are curtailed and the victim will become devoted to fulfilling the needs and requirements of the perpetrator. The pattern is not impulsive or "out of control" behavior. Tactics of control are selectively chosen by the perpetrator.
How does Someone become a batterer?
Domestic violence is behavior learned through observation and reinforcement. Violent behaviors, as well as the rules of when, where, against whom, and by whom they are to be used, are learned through observation. It is also observed and reinforced not only in the family, but in society. It gets reinforced by society's major institutions: familial, social, legal, religious, educational, mental health, medical, entertainment, media. In these institutions, there are customs that facilitate the use of violence as legitimate means of controlling family members.
Why don’t victims just leave?
Many victims do not stay and many others come and go. The primary reason given by victims for staying with their abusers is fear of violence and the lack of real options to be safe with their children. This fear of violence is realistic. Research shows that domestic violence tends to escalate when victims leave their relationship. Some perpetrators repeatedly threaten to kill or seriously injure their victims should they attempt to leave the relationship. The victim may have already attempted to leave in the past, only to be tracked down by the perpetrator and seriously injured. Most perpetrators do not let victims simply leave relationships.
(For more info, or FAQ’s visit http://www.icadv.org/faq.asp)
What is BEP?
The Batterers’ Education Program (BEP) promotes accountability and we try to encourage offenders to stop using the common tactics of power and control against their partners. Those behaviors include intimidation, physical and sexual abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, minimization, denial, blame, collusion, justification, economic abuse, and using the children against their partners. To achieve this, we teach and encourage offenders to use non-violent behaviors that promote respect, responsible parenting, economic partnership, honesty and accountability, trust and support, and negotiation.
(To learn more about this program and the Eight Judicial District Department of Correctional Services visit: http://www.8thjdcbc.com/Batterers)
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