Culture Shock

I haven’t been feeling too great the past couple of days and I think I know why. I have been experiencing culture shock.

This is a very strange feeling considering that I have been living in the United States for three years and believe myself to be a natural by now. But it is sufficient to say that this country is extremely different from region to region and is outlined by pockets of different cultures making it harder to generalize. Even though you can still find the same fast food places, the same mass consumer-breeding structures, the same cars and recreational facilities, the lifestyle and the people vary considerably. It is also the first time that I find myself as a camouflaged intruder amongst the natives of the area. However good my accent or dress may be I have not yet mastered the cultural "isms"which often call my bluff. For example: One night, sitting at a bar with friends of a friend talking about medical drugs, I quietly lean to the girl next to me with a “ Sorry what is Xanex?” to which she replied “ WHAT?? You don’t know what Xanex is? Where are you from?!” BAM! Just blew my cover. Which then forces me to explain where I originally come from leaving the person sorry for ever asking. At first you become this wired, exotic, entertaining thing. “This is Ashley. She is from Switzerland!” But slowly you lose the entertaining and exotic aspect and you just become weird.

The reason why I think I am suffering from culture shock, is because it is the first time that I thought I would fit in when I was actually still an outsider. When traveling abroad, you generally fall into the tourist category or you blatantly stand out as being a foreigner. This makes it easier in a way because you are automatically considered different and therefore extra care is taken to explain what you are seeing, experiencing or doing. It is assumed from the beginning on both ends that you will never be able to really fit in or understand the culture or the people from that culture. So you stick to your camera and your white sneakers and appreciate the exoticism.

Yet out here, I have had an exceptional opportunity. I have sort of merged into the “train quotidian” the regular daily life, where I look and am considered to be just like everyone else. At first this idea was appealing as I so desperately wanted to integrate and become a Des Moiner and wear the mid-western cap. But over the past few weeks, I have become frustrated and lonely because I haven’t been able to relate or fit in right. Yet today, it dawned on me that I am, like it or not, different. That despite working here, I am still a tourist, still an outsider. Realizing this has made all the difference and has taken off considerable weight and pressure off my mind. How incredible.