Beauty, Balance and Being

The Drive to Mitchelville Prison.
On our drive up to the prison yesterday, I caught a glimpse of the many beauties of this state. The glitter and glam of the sight was enough to have me spellbound and enchanted for the entire car ride. An energetic wind swept the sky leaving it spotless. It played with the fields and the corn revealing their under-belied shine. From West to East, the wind dove in an out of the fields mimicking the reflections and the motions of the sea.

The Interview.
As I mentioned previously one of my roles this summer will be to write a reference letter for one of the women who are receiving help from ICADV (Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence) with their commutation. The purpose of the reference letter will be to document their history of domestic violence and sexual assault by meeting with them every week and discussing their life story. If you can for a second, try and recall the worst experience you have ever had, and imagine having to tell it over and over again. Now imagine that that one horrible experience becomes your entire life story and you are asked to remember every single detail and tell it to a complete stranger. This is what these women are up against.
So needless to say I was a little nervous about my first interview, which all things considered went pretty well. The hardest part will be finding a balance between being overly friendly and too professional, between asking irrelevant questions and insensitive ones, between being empathetic and emotionless. The other thing I have a hard time coming to terms with is the fact that this woman is only a couple of years older than me and yet our lives could not be any more different. We come from such different worlds which are equally real and seemingly, equally unreal to each other. I can only say that my perspective and concept of reality has changed significantly…

The Evening Bike Ride.
Swerving, pedaling, crossing, maneuvering, pedaling, avoiding, faster and faster. Breathing. Magnificent, beautiful, riveting, glistening, pounding. Watching. Breathing. Appreciating. Enjoying... Loving... Listening... Feeling... Breathing. Pedaling, faster. And faster and faster, swerving, pedaling, crossing, maneuvering, pedaling, turning, changing. Being.

Revolutionary Road

The only night time sounds come from the road named after some famous lawyer. Drivers pretending to be invincible, cruse in and out of earshot. Meanwhile the General convenience store sits opposite the fast food joint, both staring at each other in loathing competition. The parking lot which separates the two looks like a stage, illuminated from the bright street lamps overhead. I sit here on my tinny balcony watching, waiting for performers to dart from the sides with hats and cookie cutter smiles, singing a generic tune that will stir up that deep-seated desire to want. And there they come, like lost souls. Slowly. They emerge from the sides. Some meander in and out of consciousness, while others in and out of the garbage disposals. Some walk up and down the front street, aimless, empty. Slowly. Time has no say and neither does anyone else about what you do or how you should live your life. Bang! Exclaims the furious sedan in disapproval. And the crescent-shaped moon smiles down on our performance, wondering what strange dissatisfied creatures we are.

So where do I live?

Here!

the dinning room and my bike :-)

the bedroom

the kitchen

the view from my room

So, really, home is where you hang your hat (or in my case my clothes)

Cover Letters

Thoughts while writing cover letters to women at Mt, Pleasant Correctional Facility. (Creative piece)

“FIRST NAME”.
The first word they learned to write. The first word that defines who they are. The first thing that is theirs. Over the years, first names become more than empty, recognition, calling mechanisms. These names are what bring individuality and humanity. They might carry the inheritance of a past loved one, or they might carry the name of a Greek Goddess, or a Latin-based natural phenomenon, or they might just carry the aesthetic taste of the name-giver. The first name carries a significant time in a persons life, when someone cares enough about them to take the time to give them their humanity…

“LAST NAME”.
The second most important name. The one that defines their genealogy, their origin and who they belong too. The one that appears on passports, credit cards and later, press releases, news paper articles, court cases and legal files. The one that is repeated over and over again in accusatory, harsh ways. The last name is the one that changes, that defines who will own and abuse them or respect and love them…

“OFFENDER DOC #.”
A number. No longer a human being. No longer worthy of being recognized with rights, feelings, opinions and emotions. A means of control, imprisonment and regulation.

“ADDRESS”
1200 East Washington Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility, Iowa Prison IA 52641.
Somehow Mt. Pleasant and Correctional Facility don’t fit together...

Dear… LAST NAME

Is this what I want to be doing for the rest of my life?

It may be too early to say, but I don’t think so. I have lost a certain faith in humanity in doing this job. Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad that I am working for this organization and I don’t regret a single moment accepting this internship. However, and this also may just be a phase, I feel as though a veil has been lifted, revealing the truly ugly and saddening aspect of human beings. I know that there definitely are some beautiful, amazing sides to people and I have been blessed and privileged many times to have been exposed to those great moments. But right now, I am bogged down by too much negativity and I am having a very hard time depersonalizing this experience and disassociating myself with my work.

I just can’t understand why some human beings treat each other so badly. I don’t understand what makes some of us so unhappy The number of individuals (and I know a lot myself) who suffer from depression, anxiety, or some other psychological disease, is just startling. We abuse, ruin, ravage, violate children, women, men and, worst of all, our planet. What makes people so desperate, angry and unhappy to the point that they turn on each other and on themselves?

I am sorry this is getting very dark and dramatic and it is probably the last thing people want to be reading about. So, I will say no more, except that I am glad that I realize now that I will not be able to make a career out of this and keep a positive, enthusiastic and giving personality at the same time. But again...it has only been a week and half.

Voices of Incarcerated Survivors of Domestic Violence

"I am my worst nightmare."
"He dragged me across the floor by my hair and then raped me with a gun."
"I was in hysterics and I tell you what, if there was one thing that guaranteed a beating, it was being hysterical."
"He beat me so bad, I miscarried. After leaving me for two days, he came back and dumped a baby in my lap. I knew it wasn't mine and I knew it was wrong, but it was the only positive thing I had. So, I kept it. Two days later, I found the baby's real mother shoved in our basement. Dead." "I woke up in the middle of the night and to my horror his head was between my legs. Scared as I was, I waited until he left."
"The only time we ever worked as a couple was when we were both high on methamphetamine."
"I needed to protect my children, so I took the beating."
"He was my one true love. We belonged together. I hoped he would understand how much I loved him, so I let him."
"Why didn't I tell the police right away? He threatened to burn my family's house down. I knew what he was capable of. I knew he would so I didn't know what to do."
"He knew exactly how long it took me to go to the store. If it took me longer, I got the crap beaten out of me so bad. So if there were three people in line, I dropped the groceries and left. Either way I got a beating so, I preferred to show up on time with no groceries."
"I have never felt safe, except in prison."
"I wasn't even safe from the beatings in public. He had complete control over me."
"You see these two front teeth? They are fake. I knocked them out and broke my nose from having a bad nightmare about him."
"He forced me to have sex with our son. If I didn't he would kill him."
"He pushed me down a flight of stairs at a restaurant. There was a man and his wife, who saw it happened. The man made a motion to help me, but the woman turned and said 'it's not our business' and left".

"Is there a message you would like us to carry out of there for you?"
" Yes. If you see domestic violence in public, it is your business. If you see it happen DO something. You never know what the situation is"

What am I doing this summer?

So what am I doing here? Below you will find in question-answer format what I will be doing this summer.

Who am I working for?
The Skylark Project, which branches off of the Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence ( ICADV).

What is the Skylark project and what do they do?
The purpose of the Skylark Project is to help the women at the Mitchellville prison with their commutation, which is the changing of a prison sentence to one that is less sever.

How does the process of commutation work in Iowa?
While a person serves time in prison, they are subject to an appeal every couple of years. An appeal, is an application or proceeding for review by the board of parole. The Iowa board of parole consists of five people from various backgrounds appointed by the Governor, who will decide whether a prisoner is eligible for commutation or not. If they vote in favor of the appeal, then it is submitted to the governor who then makes the final decision to grant commutation.

How is the Skylark Project involved in the process applying for commutation?
Step 1. The Skylark Project(SKP) receives dozens of letters from women in prison, requesting help with their appeal application.
Step 2. Members of SKP review every request according to criteria such as whether domestic violence (DV) or sexual assault (SA) was present and if so how it related to the crime, how long their sentence is and their term served. If the applications meet the initial criteria, they move on to the next step.
Step 3. The remainder of applicants are then asked more than once, 40 to 50 yes or no questions, about how they have been affected by DV and SA. From this, 10 are selected to the final round.
Step 4. Face to face interviews with the prisoners, who are asked again to tell their story more than once. 5 to 6 of those who show immense consistency in their stories are then eligible for help by members of the SKP
Step 5. The members of the SKP are assigned one women prisoner each who will work with her in doing various things: A) in helping her write a cohesive, legible and comprehensive application, B) in helping her present her case and talk about her story in front of an audience C) explain her situation and why she did not mention DV or SA during her initial trial.
Step 6. These 5 to 6 women submit their appeal and go in front of the board of parole.
Step 7. If the board of parole votes unanimously in favor of commutation, their application is then passed on to the governor, who makes the final decision.

What is my role in this process and throughout the summer?
One of my roles this summer will be to work with a young women who has been approved by the SKP in helping her with her commutation application (Step 5). I am also doing research on three cases and trying to collect as much information about the trials and signs of DV involved in these cases. In addition, I will also be in charge of working on creating a community-based project involving community members and incarcerated survivors to be on exhibit during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

If you have any more questions you want me to answer about what I will be doing this summer, please leave me a comment and I will answer them as best as possible